Dear the conflicted junior,
Junior year, the infamous year of pressure, big decisions, and too many late nights. As someone who survived it all, I can’t pretend the stress magically disappears. The self doubt, deadlines, and underlying stress doesn’t just go away. But I am here to tell you that you are not alone, and you will get through it.
As I approached my junior year, I didn’t expect to face the challenge of deciding my future so soon. A common misconception is that the decision making process all happens senior year, when in reality it truly begins much before that. Junior year is the prime time to build your resume, grow your GPA, and prepare for college applications. You are building your future from the ground up, and you are plagued by the fear of it all toppling down.
As I neared the end of junior year, I found myself at a crossroads. My whole high school career I’ve been chasing my dream of playing D1 soccer. As the dream slowly slipped out of my reach, my mentality began to change. Do I stay dedicated to getting committed or do I start focusing on academics?
The journey to college soccer is less than smooth. As you travel down the bumpy road, you are tested physically and mentally. Not only do you have to stay consistent in training to improve your game, but you have to persevere through rejection. I’ve received praise from college coaches, but significantly more rejection. It is inevitable that you learn how to deal with such constant rejection. I learned how to understand that it’s just not my path, and I gained the strength to bounce back.
As I continued running this long distance race towards success, I watched other girls pull ahead of me, reaching their goals before I was even close to mine. Comparison is a natural factor when it comes to competing for a spot. Especially when you see your competitors succeeding while you’re falling behind. But this comparison is not just relevant in sports, it practically surrounds a teenager’s life. When you go to a school as academically challenging as Green Level, comparison is inevitable.
Green Level High School, and the majority of Wake County high schools, are incredibly rigorous and have fierce competition. As you work hard to upkeep your own grade, it’s hard not to notice when others are doing better than you are. I’ve done everything that I was capable of, taking all the AP classes that I could and studying as hard as possible. And every time I look at that report card, I am nowhere near the top rank. Constantly solidifying in my mind that I am not at the top, in fact it felt like I was falling behind yet again.
With the combination of athletic and academic self-doubt, I was in constant mental turmoil. Debating whether I should stay focused on my soccer goals or if I should fight harder to excel academically, I lost sight of my true dreams. My junior year had come to feel like life or death, either I succeed and go to the perfect school, or I end up a failure. I grew overwhelmed and restless with my lack of certainty of my future.
Not to mention, the conflicting expectations from the people around you can make you lose sight of what you truly want. My dad has always been incredibly supportive of my college soccer process, helping me research schools and get closer to reaching my goals. On the other hand, my mom always offers the alternative solution, prioritizing academics and recommending schools like NC State and UNC Chapel Hill. The bar is already set high, as my sister attends UNC, the pressure does not cease. So what will my future look like? Will I follow in the footsteps of my sister and attend an academically rigorous university, or will I find my future in a school that offers a soccer program that fits all my dreams?
At the end of the day, I cannot truly say for sure. But what I do know, from watching my peers and learning from experience, everything will work out. That constant rejection that I faced, is redirection in disguise. And the comparison constantly in the back of my mind will push me to reach new heights.
So a message to all students who are unsure of where they really want to be: don’t feel alone and don’t lose sight of yourself. Don’t get lost in the numbers or in the individual successes. Don’t let your parents or your friends alter your opinions on your own future. And, most importantly, don’t ever feel like you are falling behind. You don’t need to have it all figured out by junior year, in fact you don’t need to have it all figured out by senior year. Junior year is a time to explore your talents, find your niche, and prepare for your future, even if you may not know exactly what that future entails.
Take it from me, a survivor of the twists and turns of junior year, you will make it through. Don’t forget to work hard and focus on your future, but have a little fun too. Junior year isn’t all bad, I met some of my best friends this year and made some of my greatest memories. Don’t get lost in the stress and pressure, stay true to yourself and your future will plan itself. I’m excited to see where my future will take me, I know that wherever I end up is the place I belong.
To the future junior who is lost in the chaos, slow down. You are capable of much more than you think, don’t give up.
Sincerely,
A survivor of junior year
