Letter to the Editor: Global Warming Isn’t Real.

C. Hinckley and A. Khara

After years of intense research and study, we have come to the conclusion that many things are not as they seem. For example, the featured Gator’s Eye article about Flat Earth opened our eyes up to the truth. Our next discovery, global warming isn’t real. For one thing, it’s cold outside. According to my calculations if the Earth was getting warmer then if it was warm yesterday there should be absolutely no chance it is colder today. If global warming was real then why don’t polar bear shed their fur? Dogs do it, polar bears should just adapt to have lower bone density so they can float for as long as they want. If global warming was real icebergs would not exist. There simply is absolutely zero proof that global warming exists, but we have some theories for why the myth that is global warming has risen to be so popular. 

Global warming is a communist idea that has been planted in our scientists brains by spies, the communists don’t want rich capitalists from oil and factories making decisions so they gave us propaganda to believe.This is only successful because of “democratic” leaders chewing on communist propaganda and feeding it to the confused population of this nation. Global warming is merely a front for the communists to steal the sun. They want us to hate the sun for keeping us an extra degree warmer than we like and want to use its power to have baths outside. They are going to fly into space and then load the sun into the back of a shady SUV. 

Gators Eye Note: We appreciate the letter, and we suspect there might be some satire involved. Just to make sure we’ve covered our factual bases, however, we want to point out for all readers that weather is not climate.